I bet he comes in French.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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