I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
