filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
