angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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