It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
