hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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