Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
