I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
