she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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