Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
