grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
