My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
