it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
