She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
