she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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