so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
