I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
