All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
