I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
