On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
