you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
