i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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