Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
