All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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