Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
