i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she pinky promised me she was 18
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
