Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
