Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
