He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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