Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i already hear my dad disowning me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
