dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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