I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
