I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
