do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
