Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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