soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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