i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I want is dick and wine.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
