is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
