You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
