He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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