we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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