worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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