Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
