Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
