Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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