That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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