Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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