Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
