I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
