We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so much tequila, so little girl.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
