I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
