if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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