i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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