no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
